Not this time of the year again...
Unlike winter, Christmas is coming to Singapore! And unless you are working for a cool startup like ours in a dope coworking space like the Hub, you probably don’t look forward to it. Who wants to mingle with their coworker's children? And play embarrassing games to win a book talking about the Zen of Farting? (It’s an actual book). Or worse, act like a suck up in front of all your top management so that they give you a raise next year. Let us have some dignity, for goose sake!
How do you skip this painful event?
Nope, you cannot skip the event. That’s the 1st rule of Christmas-at-the-office etiquettes. Other rules include dressing properly, learning to make small talk, not flirting with the pretty new interns and last but not least: not get drunk.
But I beg to differ with this last statement. It’s not (that) wrong to be drunk at a Christmas office party. Crossing the line is when you're drunk at that Christmas party, and you start doing stupid things. However, I think that it is possible to be drunk and not do the aforementioned stupid things. Further, aside from making your evening more bearable, you can also look smarter when you're drunk.
The art of being drunk in the presence of colleagues
Have you ever heard of Drunk Kung Fu Art? No? It doesn’t matter.
Here's an example of discussion you should not have with your guests:
"In every form of art, people are looking for beauty. What is beauty? That’s a tough one. Let’s say here that beauty shines through mastered skills: the ability to use highly complex mechanisms resulting in..." STOP.
Instead, apply the KISS method: Keep It Simple, Stupid.
Don’t bore people to death. Keep in mind that all your colleagues are dreading the event as much as you.
That’s why rule #1 is to set rules. Define the limits. Define the goals. Use my cheat sheet:
Drinking rate: 1 glass per 30 minutes
Number of glasses: 4
Types of alcohol: 2
Maximum time spent at event: 2 hours
(Oh, and always eat something before each glass)
Never "Bottoms up!" ...unless your boss asks you to
For our fellow American readers, I might also need to mention that it is forbidden to add coke to your glass of wine.
If you've reached this far, you now know how NOT to do stupid things when drunk, or drinking.
How do you look smart then?
Rule #2: Be unruly
When conversing with your colleagues, choose topics that the sober you would have never brought up. Don't continue being hated when talking about the weather or about work. But thanks to rule #1, you will maintain the perfect balance and not fall into no-no topics such as your crush on the lady who cleans the toilets, or your fear of bananas.
Find your ledge (i.e. the perfect balance for you), stay on it and shine. That’s what I call art. Like Yin and Yang, Emptiness and Completeness. I am not Taoist by the way. Even though Taoists were big drinkers. Anyhow, that’s where the magic happens...by making the impossible come true. By making the incompatible, compatible.
Alternatively, you could just steal some conversation topics from me below.
-How do mosquitoes fly when it rains
-Why are penguins so cute
-The benefits of drinking red wine
-Optimal temperature for red wine storage
-Why people love pairing wine and food
-Which mammals can fly
-What makes expat life in Singapore awesome (If you want to get ideas for what to say when you apply for PR)
-How tiring your Saturday was at the dog shelter (even better for your PR application, take pics!)
Did this article hurt your brain? Good, have some wine. One glass a day keeps the doctor away! And don't forget to check our awesome wine shop in Singapore here.